Still here? Good. Grab a chair. I'm going to tell you about last night. Last night, I became an official televised activist for a cause to slow down drivers on behalf of our world's greatest asset: Kids who still can't tie their own shoes. Kids who need help opening their chocolate milk. Kids who show you the toothless gaps in their smiles.
Thing 2 was home sick so I had to stay home and miss out on lunch with a friend. While I was home, I decided to prepare for this event. I toiled all day putting together a PowerPoint presentation as part our address to the forum. The presentation was cohesive, it flowed, it had pictures. It was brief. It ultimately didn't matter. It didn't matter because the conversation we ended up having with the forum in response to the first speaker, whose comments were so
woo-woo out thereabstract "how does one define 'satisfaction'?" he asked, I dunno, by smoking a cigarette afterward? By holding up a "10" sign?, that we tried to refer to the presentation, but halfway through, we gave up and spoke off the cuff.
Our mission was to speak on behalf a task force we're on to request that the county do something to slow down drivers who careen past our children's barely visible, above-grade, underground 30-year-old school at waaaay over the posted speed. In a six-month period in 2010, the Five-0 wrote some of Fairfax's coolest soccer moms 408 tickets for speeds averaging 57.8 mph on this road (that's just below reckless driving) at all times of day and I'm certain, during the AM and PM traffic shifts at our school. So for me, this is very simple: slow down. That's the bottom line. My oldest who went to the "EduCave" as my brother calls it, is now in 8th grade, so I've been energized about this cause for nine years. So as parents of these students, the speed reduction is our claim on Rational Thinking.
Believe it or not: there are people who oppose this "speed reduction" action. No one in the room last night opposed it; but the persons who were sent as minions of The Grand Opposer from FCPS were carefully thrown under the school bus because I bet even they couldn't really believe some of the words that were flying out of their mouths. I've met The Grand Opposer; I'm no longer vexed by his antics because Rational Thinking will prevail.
The task force was spurred on the heels of a piece of activism prepared from photos a friend shot in the fall of 2010, accompanied by music we didn't create (lawyers tell me to say this). The pictures showed all sorts of pedestrian risks and driver disregard at the pick-up and dismissal times. The video, a letter, and copies of signed petitions were distributed amongst local and state-level legislators. Momentum continued. We didn't really know where to start or whose door to knock on but we had to start somewhere. An online petition for the same cause had more than 200 signatures in the fall of 2010 (when I was PTA president at the school). This tidy package of activism was so compelling that people literally could not ignore it anymore.
At this first long-ago meeting, we went round and round with the rhetoric ripe and juicy on both sides. At one point, a very dear friend of mine, a US Marine daughter, a USN wife, mother of 4, a totally efficient person with mad laser-like executive skills and an extremely fair head on her shoulders stood up during that meeting to say to Cook, "You agree with us? Then do something about it! Create a task force!" and so, here we are. This friend? She's not on the task force. She's no fool. But she's busier than a bee and has been instrumental in so many other ways for this community that she's allowed a pass on this one. Me? I'm in. I jumped on it and I've become That Person. I'm the bee that won't stop buzzing. The bee that hummmmmmmms and hummmmmmms around you and your paper plate at the picnic and wants to land in your can of soda, Mr. The Grand Opposer and sting you into accepting Rational Thinking.
The task force has about eight regular citizens and about eight civil servants, including police officers and The Grand Opposer.
So much for the best of intentions in being efficient and brief. But it just occurred to me: my father has copy editors.
I'll cut closer to the chase. In the midst of these 16 months, we've had a changing of the guard at the school board which includes more tolerant, open-minded members, including members who actually have children enrolled in the school system (that's always a plus for me). The task force also had a major victory: vehicle and pedestrian traffic conditions outside the school at the intersection of its entrance and that of the shopping center across the street warranted a four-way red-yellow-green stoplight! An actual stoplight! We couldn't believe our luck and we thought: OK, well this is great. I was personally opposed to it, but it was a start or perhaps it would be the finish.
We were told that Virginia Department of Transportation (VDOT) would convene with FCPS (uh-oh, yup) to determine next steps for installation and implementation (these lights costs about $350,000 each to install) and that we would hear results of yet another "feasibility study" by July. On September 14 we heard over e-mail: FCPS killed the stoplight. It was The Grand Opposer. The rationale: a new and improved kiss & ride design.
It's at this point that I determine that The Grand Opposer is treating us (the task force and now the community) like how a "drive thru" treats Leo Getz because just when you think you're done, or you have what you need, you realize later or when you get home (if you're Leo) that things are not as you'd been led to believe:
The new kiss & ride design is part of a $16.6 million renovation process that recently began at the school. The kiss & ride lane design is so ambitious and downright kamikaze-inspired, that most people can't imagine it ever working or being safe. Because of this design, we found an opportunity to include the costs to install the reduced speed school zone signage as part of the renovation.
This is a more recent concept drawing for the kiss & ride.
Today, about 16 months later, we're getting somewhere. Nothing has happened with the renovation yet. No ground has been broken. We're still in the design and implementation stage.
Two months ago, Cook held a required "County Land Use Meeting" to discuss the renovation with the community. This meeting was also an opportunity for us to make our request for the school zone reduced-speed light because at these County Land Use Meetings, no relevant proposal is absurd. The meeting was held and the request was taken into consideration and included in a staff report.
About a week ago, the task force received the aforementioned staff report which details various concerns raised by residents at that land use meeting (and for a few weeks after during a comment period). These concerns are known as "conditions" and they must be discussed before the Fairfax County Planning Commission (PC) at a public hearing to authorize the work to begin. One of those conditions is "Condition 11" which speaks directly to our school zone reduced-speed light request.
It turns out that "Condition 11" is so vague, so ambiguous that it's basically untenable. I personally have decided that any proposal made by anyone I know that doesn't make sense will be heretofore known as a "Condition 11."
Here's an example: "Hey Mom, I was wondering if you could give me money so I can buy a laptop that I won't give you access to so I can watch Harry Potter Puppet Pals videos on YouTube all the time and when you want to take it away or use it for something, I'll run up to my room, slam my door, demand money and then give you a computer I made out of Legos." That's a Condition 11.
But that's not what happened. Instead, he was trying to say the words The Grand Opposer taught him; but his Cyerano was nowhere to be found. The devil on his shoulder was asleep because it was five minutes to tomorrow (today) when we wrapped up. The minion could not get it together. His tie was a mess; his shirt was rumpled; his hair was frenzied; his verbal pace was inconsistent and his mannerisms were random and jagged. If there were an open bar in that auditorium, I'd swear he had hit it while no one was looking. He could not answer common sense inquiries and he could not articulately explain his motivations his opposition BECAUSE THEY WEREN'T HIS OPPOSITIONS. No one knows why The Grand Opposer opposes...
We were all yawning and I think the chairman of the PC said, "Let's get going on this, I want to go to bed." So a great thing happened: our area representative from the planning commission said, "I propose a resolution to adjourn and resolve at the May 3 meeting..." HOORAY!
But I feel confident we will win. The May 3 meeting is not public so we're off the hook there. But we're preparing documentation and doing what we can to rally the team and I know Just What to Say on my documents now. . . stay tuned.